So, here's the deal, lovers- I am far from perfect in the relationship department. . . in fact I have a few failures under my belt, but as some of you know I am opinionated. . . a little. And there has been something on my mind for a while now. . . and I believe it's time to share it with the world. . . also known as my "friends list" on Facebook.
It is 2011 and I am 24 years of age, but over the last year I feel as if I have reversed the years by many and increased my age by plenty. Why, you ask? Let me give you a little back story. . .
Until two years ago I was in a relationship that lasted four years. It began in my Senior year of high school and he was three years younger than me. When the time came and we parted ways, I found myself in my twenties having never actually dated a boy in his twenties. . . and this realization hit me like a mack truck; it left me breathless; it fucking terrified me. So what did I do? I set out to date a boy in his twenties. . . it was not a pretty time, folks. The air was thick and saucy with desperation. I would think a guy was cute and commence into full throttle Facebook stalk-age, trying to figure out if he was in a relationship, and clearly, it all led nowhere because I was being ridiculous and clingy and weird. In the event of a guy actually taking an interest in me and giving me his number, I would find reasons to text him on a regular basis- trying to find out what he was doing, whom he was with, and how late he would be out. It never ended well, I never got asked out on dates, and eventually they would end up not answering my text messages. I, ladies and gentlemen, was a hot, scary, terrified mess.
In the last year, over many pep talks, prayers to Jesus, and therapeutic writing on this blog, I realized that I need not Facebook stalk or cell phone creep. . . because I am worth more than chasing some dude around. Can I get a hell yea?
Ladies, it is 2011 and guys. . .well some of them have gotten lazy (sorry, fellas. . . bear with me, please.) Just because our T.V.s are in color now, and not black and white, just because girls wear jeans, and not corsets with fine, lacy dresses, just because it's the modern day and texting is the new communication norm, girls are ballsier than ever, and flowers are not a first date must, it does not mean that guys get to say "let's kick it sometime" and then wait on you to set up the plans. I have experienced this very situation recently and I am here to tell you, and him if he's reading, I am sticking to my guns, baby.
It is 2011 and here are my new rules when it comes to dating: If you are interested in me, make sure to "friend" me on the Internet, make sure we have each other's numbers, but never specifically set up a time to take me to dinner, call me to talk, or look at me outside of a club- you will continue to be interested in me and not take me to dinner, call me to talk, or look at me outside of a club. Because I am a lady; I may say fuck more times than your dirty uncle Leonard, I might flirt with you openly, in public, after a couple beers, and I may text you from time to time to say, and I quote, "I hope you're having a good week!" but I am a lady. I want you to work for my time, I want you to call me and get to know me, I want you to take the time to set up an afternoon or evening in which we can communicate when there is not LMFAO singing "I'm sexy and I know it" in the background, when there is not liquor being dumped down my back, when there is not alcohol present to make us both "braver."
I am confident that this will work out for the both of us, in the end, because how many guys really want a girl who is always right there, always texting him to say what's up, always chasing after him instead of looking over her shoulder with a look that says 'come hither' ? Clearly not that many because last year I was that girl. . . and it was lonely. I am confident that if I enter into a relationship making sure you know that, at my core, I am a girl who wants to feel like a princess, I am a girl who wants to be swept off her feet, I am a girl who is aware that it is 2011, but sees no issue with you opening my car doors, showing up with a flower from time to time, and you know. . . acting like you actually enjoy pursuing me, getting to know me, making some plans - a very solid relationship has the capability of growing.
I realize that every girl reading this is not going to agree with me. I am sure there are some girls out there who can walk into a room, point at a guy, and it all be done, unfortunately God did not think it would be fair to give me the eyelashes I have and this trait. . . so I simply have good eyelashes- therefore I do not have the option of walking into a room and owning it in any way I see fit. I realize that some ladies like being the ones to take charge, set up plans, and make the moves. . . and on the real, more power to you. . . rock on- I value the ways in which you work. I just wish guys realized that there is absolutely nothing wrong with romancing a girl from time to time.
I take no issue, once I'm in a relationship, at calling first or suggesting a date night, but right now? Before you know my favorite color, that my eyes are green most of the time, but all the time, that Drops of Jupiter is my all time favorite song, but I can rap with Wayne like I'm Nicki Minaj- you should be the one to set up a date night and call me first. . . because I want to be the old married lady with a husband that still thinks I'm a rock star after 50 years, I want to be the girl who has a guy that adores her and wants everyone to know it, I want to be courted. And I don't think what year it is has a god damn thing to do with it.
It is 2011 and I am 24 years of age. I am also single, but because I am standing my ground, telling you what I want, and knowing what I deserve- I won't be single forever, and when I'm no longer single. . . it'll be just right.
Ladies- make sure he knows he's damn lucky to have you on his arm, make sure he knows how a real man treats a real lady, and make sure you're both aware of how priceless your heart is.
Gents- make sure she knows you want to be a part of her life, make sure she knows you know you're lucky to be there, and for heaven's sake- open her car door, tell her she smells good, and buy her a friggin rose from time to time!
Whether you are a girl who loves to chase or a girl who wants to be chased; whether you are a guy who likes a forward girl or a guy who likes to make the moves- make sure you know what you each deserve and realize that, even though it's 2011, a girl always hopes for a little fairy-tale. . . and she deserves that, too.