Monday, November 21, 2011

BatShit Crazy Love

Have you ever been in love? Chances are you have. Chances are you've experienced it and your life exploded. Exploded because your heart felt like it might beat out of your chest when that person was around, exploded because your butterflies fluttered so quickly you began to feel nauseas, exploded because when you're in love your life is different; colors change in vibrancy, sounds alter in volume, your whole outlook is just different.

Of course the downside to falling in love is the chance that one or both of you will fall out of it or something just lets loose and you lose your footing. It can be a sad, lonely place, but I maintain that it's totally worth the fall. . . even if there is a chance you land quick and hard.

But what is it that makes us so batshit crazy when it comes to love? It's this insanely large, unexplainable concept that we are all chasing after, often much earlier than we can ever try to understand it, but run after it is exactly what we do.
This concept. . . it sets lives on fire, creates hurdles worth jumping, and allows tears to almost be worth the salty after taste. And humans crave it so strongly, want it so desperately, need it so hastily that we chase after the idea, instead of letting the idea chase after us. Bat. Shit. Crazy. People.

If love is so incredible, so overwhelming, so intoxicating why do we only focus on the opposite sex to fulfill this desire?
What if you woke up everyday and decided that instead of chasing after your hypothetical beloved, you allow yourself to fall in love with something else. What if you allowed yourself to fall in love with you?  Am I making sense?

Today when I woke up and went to Braden's house he climbed up into my lap and laid his head right where my heart is and I fell in love. I am in love with a beautiful three year old who specifically asks me to "cuddle" after lunch time, who sits in my lap and makes sure he has a hold on my hand while we watch Phineaus and Ferb, who looks forward to seeing me every single week.

Every January 24th I make a trip to the cemetary where my grandpy and Nick were laid to rest. When I kneel before the cold stone that provides a brief, albeit completely insufficent, synopsis of their lives, I fall madly in love, all over again, with my family. My loud, crazy, obnoxious family who are so spread out there is a difference in time zones; my family, who grew up mostly apart, but will stand together before anyone that is not a Duff or some variation of, and is a threat; my family who laughs loud, dances big, and loves like a hurricane.

When I walk into one of the bathrooms in our house, there are two smells that infiltrate my senses: baby powder and gardenia. When I walk into one of the bathrooms in our house, I fall in love with my mom. The woman who brought me into this world, has been known to mildly threaten to take me out of it, and who looks at me as one of her two greatest accomplishments.

When I finish a book, most generally in an annoyingly quick amount of time, I fall in love with the written word. The written word that was bestowed unto me by my loved ones; the written word who fills stacks of journals from my angst ridden high school years; the written word that encompasses every card or letter I've ever received in my whole 24 years.

I am in love. With a three year old little boy, with my extraordinary family, with my beautiful mother, with words. I also have a strong infatuation with chocolate, photographs, William Shakespeare, safety pins, my friends, and my brother. . . to name a few. And tomorrow, when I wake up? I'll probably find something new to fall for. . . and one day. . . I'll wake up and I'll find someone to fall for.

Until then, I'll take the blue eyed babe who likes to cuddle, random text messages from my family all over the country, laughing with my mom over inside jokes, and becoming inspired by someone's words.

And every single day from here on out? I will wake up and discover another reason to love myself. It may not be easy, it's probably going to be very difficult, but everyday I will uncover a new piece of myself and . . . I will fall in love. Batshit crazy love, all over the universe.

What makes you fall in love?

-Stephi D.


  1. I used to tell people we "laughed loud, fought hard and loved fiercely," and not ALWAYS each other!! haha

    I love the way you put words together.

  2. I am in love with this! :) beautifully written, YoU are talented <3

  3. Aunt Luc: I love how you describe us, too. And part of my talent comes from you and your support.
    Also, your name made me giggle then snort.
    I adore you.

    Em: Thank you for keeping up with my readings.